what to do?

After a year after my disastrous relationship with jack, here I am again standing between the cliff and the dangerous waters of the intangible chain called love. Haha. And now, after all the pain that I was forced to endure then, I can't actually think straight. What to do? I'm still in shock. I never expected that something like this would happen to me.. Now of all times, when I'm already starting anew and trying to break free from the nightmarish past I have.

But what am I saying? I guess I should tell you.. It started, maybe a week or two ago when I unexpectedly renewed contact with a longtime friend. At first, it was kind of fun. Of course, we've not talk for almost two or three years.. But then, things started to get pretty complicated when he begun to say things I did not--never--expected him to say. Like, for years, he's always been besotted withme and all that. Frankly, I thought it was all a big joke. But what shock I received I cannot explain when talked to my sister, then my mom, about the things he feels for me. And my mom is quite taken with him. So now, in my shoulder lies the decision whether to have him or not. The only problem is, I don't know what I feel.. I guess, I'm still scared to know..

redemption

I can never be a princess but I will forever be me. You said you love me as I am, but it was a statement you didin't mean at all. how then do you think i can forgive you? or more importantly, love you? Once, my love for you was worth all the risks and the deceptions, but then, it all had come to naught. You betrayed me in the worst possible way. It will do you more good if you'll stop waltzing with me right now, or you'll eventually feel the way I did all those times I made a foolish blind woman out of myself just for you. Or worst, more.

Je ne peux jamais être princesse mais je me serai à jamais. Vous avez dit que vous m'aimez comme je suis, mais c'était une déclaration vous didin › les moyens de t à tout. comment alors pensez-vous que je peux vous pardonner ? ou d'une manière importante, vous aimez plus ? une fois, mon amour pour vous valiez tous les risques et les tromperies, mais alors, il tout était venu rien. vous m'avez trahi dans la pire façon possible. Il vous fera plus bon si vous arrêterez de danser la valse avec moi maintenant, ou vous sentirez finalement la façon j'ai fait tous ces temps j'ai fait une aveugle sotte de me juste pour vous. Ou pire, plus.

when forever is just a word..

"I guess that's all forever is. Just one long trail of nows. And I guess all you can do is try and live one now at a time without getting too worked up about the last now or the next now."
--- Daniel Booker, The Horse Whisperer.

Isn't just that right? When I stumbled upon this certain passage, I knew that all along, I've been thinking with the same line of thought. Maybe that's why I never considered the phrase "now and forever" a valid one. Because, I'd rather prefer the phrase "forever and beyond".

And what is it they usually say? "Tomorrow never comes." So most likely, we'll NEVER find forever tomorrow, or even in the next tomorrows of tomorrow. Why? Because we can only take one day at a time. One "now"-- one "forever" -- each day.

someone will, but you will be you.

Someone will always be prettier.

Someone will always be smarter.

Someone's house will be bigger.

Someone's car will be better.

Someone's husband will fix more thingsaround the house.

JUST LET IT GO!

&& Love your circumstances..

JUST THINK..

The prettiest woman in the world canhave hell in her heart.

The most highly favored woman in yourjob may be unable to have children.

And the richest woman you know [[whohas the biggest house, nicest car, &&expensive clothes]] may be very lonely.

And the word says...

"If I have not Loved, I am nothing."

So Love who you are!In the morning, look in the mirror,smile & say..


"I am too blessed to be stressed & tooanointed to be disappointed!"



"BE "BLESSED" LADIES!!





= something they told me.. ('^.x)

learning from Caravaggio

"Tell me, is it possible to love someone who is not as smart as you are?...I mean, she may not be smarter than you. But isn't it important for you to think she is smarter than you in order to fall inlove? Think now. She can be obssessed by the Englishman because he knows more. You see, it is easier to fall in love with him than with you. Why is that? Because we want to know things, how the pieces fit. Talkers seduce, words direct us into corners. We want more than anything to grow and change..."

Isn't that just true? Indeed, for me, it is. For humans are curious creatures. We love to have answers and so we are always drawn to the keys that we think will lead us out of ignorance. And so they do. But often, we arejust too much excited that we forget to think about consequences. And so begins another whirlwind-chase for answers that eventually turns out to be carrier of a bigger luggage of curiosities than the one we're already holding.

I don't actually know how it is with other people. All that I know is that, we people will always be ignorant--one way or another. And that, we will always try not to be one and again and again, fail. A never-ending cycle of foolishness and knowing.

the horse whisperer

When I read this book, at first I thought it was just a common best-seller book with a common twisted plot. Given the fact that I'm a bookworm, I was really critical.

But then, as I continued to read, I realized that, yeah, again, my instincts led me to a captivating book. Let me explain...

I've always wanted to buy this (The Horse Whisperer) book the moment I stumbled upon it at a shelf in a bookstore near us. Even though I've never heard of it before , nor the movie created based on it, I knew in my gut that I want it. Well, that's how I always pick my books. But then, I never had the chance to buy it because by that time, I was really being careful in spending my money. Besides, I'm a real micer and I couldn't bear the idea of paying 180php just for a secondhand novel, so I turned my back on it. So, to make the long boring story short, I bought it when its price was lowered to 45php and was really excited about it.

Don't get me wrong, I was real excited about it, BUT, I was also--always--critical. And then, blah blah blah, I fell in love with it. Really. Just like when I fell in love with the "Possession" of A.S. Byatt, "100years of Solitude" of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and "The English Patient" of Michael Ondaatje, and "Harry Potter" (series) of J.K. Rowling. You see, for me, it is always easier to fall in love with a book than with a man because books can make us see reflections about life that never did seem to enter our minds when we interact with people we thought [or intend to] we have special feelings for. They bring forth emotions that we always deny ourselves simply because we are too scared it will show and then it will shatter our faith--our belief--about ourselves that we are strong and nothing--absolutely nothing--can make us breakdown. But then, with people, they only make us doubt more that we tend to see ourselves to be always in the dark as we see them in it. Mirrors of delusioned beings.

Going back, when finally I reached the last pages of the book, I was deeply moved. Because I saw there what I always denied myself from understanding. Love is always knowing when to let go and sacrifice even if it will hurt you so. Like what Tom Booker did, because he loved both mother and child, he made the choice of dying than breaking more lives because of his love for Annie (the mother). Totally wicked story. Wicked in a good way.